Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Yeah, it is a whiney butt post

I think there are two types of people in this world. There are the ones that can look at themselves and say "yeah, that's me" or they don't. It is difficult to be one of those people who truly can judge themselves for who they truly are. It is damn frightening at times. I have realized that lately, I have tried to ignore who I am, make fucking excuses about how I got into the life I have right now. About how it is the world's fault, people's fault, my family's fault. But God forbid I ever put the blame on myself. I have always been able to look at my faults and I can see them as plain as day. This has always made therapy a chore because why the hell am I going to pay someone to try to figure out my faults when I can tell you what they are? The few times I did go, I would just get frustrated and leave more irritated than when I came. It is just so much easier to look past what I could do to fix things and just hope someone would fix them for me. The last time I really took proactive strides in fixing the whole friendship area of my life I was essentially screwed over and then shat upon. It has been almost a year since that has happened and I haven't left this funk since. It happened, and I am just being the eternal baby whining about how it hurt me and how I am never going to have true friends, and blah blah blah, waa waa waa. I know it is time. I either need step up or step off. I know what I did to cause the scenario to play out. It is surprising to think that whole event has caused me to pretty much withdraw socially. Oh well, life happens. I am not any less of a person for it. I am ready to move on to this new phase in my life.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Monday, June 29, 2009

What's in a Name?

Wow two posts in one day. I must REALLY be procrastinating...

So I have decided that I need to name my cell phone. It is not only my only means of speaking with the outside world, it is also my camera, my alarm clock, and calendar. We naturally have a love/hate relationship. It causes me to wake up in the morning, and to be connected to the world at. all. times. The two things I hate to do. Yet, the camera on it rocks compared to my old camera and actually to my digital camera which I just found recently.

Since I will not be getting this phone out of my life anytime soon (I usually keep phones until I am eligible for a new one), I figured that a name would be appropriate. I keep thinking Remington, just because I love that name and could call it Remy for short. However, my ex co-worker named her (now) dead fish Remy and I think it is too soon to steal that name. I am happily taking any suggestions, just leave a comment with your name idea!

Newport, Rhode Island

So I finally made it to New England. What a lovely lovely place.

I wish I had more time to spend there. It seemed almost silly to spend 16 hours in the car to get there, and only have 23 hours to enjoy the town. It was actually less than that because 6 hours were spent sleeping and 5 hours were spent at a beautiful little wedding.

Overall, I was able to get a small taste of the east coast and now I have a desire to get back. All of the farms, and untouched beaches, and the food. Oh, I am just salivating thinking about it! Of course I was unable to experience all of the items mentioned above, but I was able to go on a nice hike after the wedding. It has been a while since I have shared posted anything new on here. So here are a few pictures from my trusty little cell phone of my 24 hour trip to Newport Rhode Island.
I hope everyone's summer is going well. Mine has been incredibly eventful. I have several topics I will have to share when I get the inspiration to write it all down. House buying horror stories, glorified camping tales, and triathlons are are all ahead.

My house is still completely dysfunctional because we are in the midst of packing. Which makes it difficult to stay at home for any long period of time. Jake and I get home and begin making excuses for why we need to leave. This summer has been completely unproductive yet busy all at the same time. I am pretty sure this is going to bite me on the bottom when it is time to actually move, but I have never had a nice, calm and normal move. They are always the type of moves where you throw everything into boxes and hope to god that you haven't forgotten or break something. And every time I end up breaking or forgetting something.

Hopefully, the next time I post I will be talking about my new house and how much I love it. Until then take care and have a wonderful summer.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Camping trip #1

Knitting mittens by the campfire while drinking homemade strawberry lemonade, followed by an evening of a smore eating contest ::with myself::. What else could be more perfect? Maybe doing it all over again this weekend? Oh, I can't wait! Have I ever told you all how much I love summer?
I would have had more pictures but my craptastic phone crapped out on me. I don't mean that, I love my phone but I have a nasty habit of not plugging it in at night. Which means about once every two weeks or so my phone is dead and I have no means of communication to the outside world, which I happen to love but my husband hates. This inevitably leads to the argument "What if something bad were to happen and no one could get a hold of you?" To which my response is a gigantic eye roll and shrug.
In other events, Jake and I will be closing on our first home next week. I haven't mentioned this yet because it has been a long up-hill battle to get this house. I still do not believe this is actually happening, but it seems as though everything is in place for us to start moving next weekend! ::crossing fingers and wishing on a star:: However, since I have been purging and boxing up the vast crap of clutter that is my life right now I came across...MY CAMERA! Which I was extremely excited about until I dropped it while putting in batteries and now it has a single battery stuck in the wrong slot and I can get another one in! So, it seems that I will be continue to use my cell phone as my camera...which means more battery usage...which means more phone dying incidents...which means more "nag..nag...nag..." It is my little self-fulfilling prophecy. Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend with lots of outdoor fun.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Summer Vacation


What a wonderful weekend. We went out on our first hike of the summer, which made Maggie a very happy puppy. It also made me feel much better about taking her on our camping trips this summer. We ended the night by stopping by our favorite pizza place to grab some dinner which we took home and ate while watching Milk (Sean Penn deserved the Oscar for his performance in that movie). On Mother's Day, I was able to use the gorgeous lemons I received in my Farm Fresh Delivery to make Smitten Kitchens fantastic Lemon Bars. They were crazy good!

What a wonderful way to start out the summer.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Who needs a real camera?

I do! I am obsessed with photography. This began with my mother who is incredibly artistic and has a professional camera. Now, what I consider professional is a camera where you have to manually zoom in and out. So maybe I should restate my statement above: I am obsessed with photography, yet clueless to how to take photos. I am not artistic, never have been. I like to believe I am an artistic soul trapped in a non-artistic body. When Jake and I got engaged I began investigating photographers. That opened up a whole new world of photography to me. Here are a few of my favorite photographer blogs right now:

1. Bobbi and Mike
2. Betsy King Photography
3. Cathy and David Photography - these two did our wedding. They are amazing.

4. Tastespotting - pretty food pictures AYKM?!?!? Right up my alley.
5. A Cup of Jo

Every day I visit all of these blogs. The photos fill me with such emotion that at times I will actually weep! Keep in mind that I practically cry during any Disney movie, I am that kind of sap. So what is a person to do with all of this desire and no talent? I decided the answer is to take pictures with my cell phone. Maybe one day I will have a professional camera all my own and I can play with the zoom and learn what aperture is and be artsy and creative. I doubt that will happen.

Until then, my dear readers you will have to deal with my beautiful cell phone photos.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Free Bird

How wonderful it feels to finish yet another semester of school. I always have to celebrate the small steps in order to get me through, otherwise I will end up giving in to my reckless and lazy habits again. So with that being said...

YAY!!! I am awesome because I finished another semester of school!!!

Celebrating my semester success this weekend

This summer has so many promises that I hope come to fruition. Buying our first home. Learning Spanish. Camping, camping, and more camping. Planting (hopefully) and eating my body weight in tomatoes, various berries and other fresh summer veggies and fruit. Knitting, learning how to sew (and possibly cross stitching). Oh, I can't wait for the fun days ahead!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I would like an order of perspective...what wine would you recommend with that?

What is important to me right now (listed in random order):

1. My Husband
2. My Family
3. The furry creatures that live in my home
4. My school work
5. My friends
6. Finding and buying our first house
7. Baking
8. Knitting
9. Yoga (still learning)
10. Learning to differentiate my needs from my wants (this can be hard to do)
11. Learning to live a simply and to simply live
12. Working each day to find myself and to continually make that person I find better, balanced, happy, true and an overall good person
13. Developing and maintaining the important relationships in my life
14. Removing unwanted relationships from my life

What I am grateful for:
1. My husband
2. My family
3. My schoolwork...although it may not seem that way at times
4. The furry creatures that live in my house
5. Finding new recipes at Tastespotting.com
6. My job
7. The wonderful women who are my co-workers. They push me forward and inspire me every day
8. My sense of humor
9. This blog
10. Myself (I felt I needed to add this because my mother informed me today that I have too little self worth. Thanks mom!)
11. Advice from loving friends and family members
12. Wild Berry Frozen Yogurt
13. Farm Fresh Delivery
14. Stories that were told to me by my great grandmother, Orbia McCluskey. Those stories have been swirling around in my mind lately and I am so grateful for the summers she watched me.
15. Blogs like soulemama, beauty that moves, and while tangerine dreams these ladies are true inspirations and what I hope to be when I grow up. I look forward to their updated postings every day.
16. Non-inspirational blogs like penny arcade, nataliedee, tooth paste for dinner, and perez hilton without these sites I would actually have to do my work!
17. Photography (If only I had a camera)

Today has been one of those days where it is so easy to get caught up in unnecessary drama. In this case it is drama that I have caused. I needed to step back and center myself. This is a wonderful exercise and I whole heartedly recommend it if you need perspective on days when you feel like giving up.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

simplicity is the heart of the matter

It is a quiet Sunday. The husband is taking a nap, the dog and cat are with him. I am enjoying the aroma of the bread that I have been making for the past two hours. As soon as I began to feel tired and sore from the kneading and waiting, and kneading and waiting I looked up and saw that it was snowing outside. Such a peaceful moment, so simple, yet so beautiful. It seems as though with ever loaf of bread I get a step closer to reaching my goal of simplicity. To take care of myself, my home, my relationships and my my family. That is what is important, that is what I need. I am not sure where this path will lead me, but I do know that I have really enjoyed where it has taken me so far and because of the happiness it has brought me I can't stop...not now. So I go back to my kneading and waiting and kneading and waiting knowing that the end result will be something wonderful.

"The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest." ~Thomas More

Friday, January 2, 2009

This has been such a crazy and wonderful year.
  • I have successfully finished two semester (summer and fall) without dropping a single class.
  • I had all of my friends go through some serious life changes (all of which I am so proud of them for)
  • Both of my parents ended their long term relationships (within a week of each other...AYKM?!?)
  • I started knitting, which has changed my life more than I ever imagined.
  • I have begun learning about and actually adopting sustainability principles in my life.
... oh, yeah...and I got married...

This whole marriage things has definitely been the highlight among the highlights of this year. Even though my old man and I have been dating for EIGHT YEARS (yeah that's right) and living together for three of those eight; It seems as though everyone thinks our lives will be magically transformed after we placed those rings on our fingers. However, I can honestly say the only thing that has changed is my last name. Which is far more difficult than anyone will ever tell you!

I have never had a problem with changing my last name. If I was more of a professional or if I had stronger ties to my families heritage then maybe I would have kept my last name. However, the only family I really know with the same last name is my father, brother, and uncle; and I am only an administrative assistant at a University where hardly anybody besides my immediate co-workers know me. Changing your name is a personal decision as much as getting married. I am not one of those that believe if you don't change your name it takes away from the sanctity of your marriage. That is crazy talk. Especially in today's world where marriage is so casual.

Anyway, away from the touchy subject and back to the original thought at hand. My new last name. I can't get the hang of writing it. You go through your youth as a girl writing your name over and over and over and over. Practicing how you sign your name. I have horrible handwriting. It is mismatched, often times switching from long elegant letters to quick scribbles. It has taken me years to find a signature that I could write quickly and doesn't look like a 5th grader who just learned cursive signed it. I can honestly say I have finally settled on a signature that fits me in the past three years or so. And now? Now I have to start all over! I know this is completely redundant for most, but please oblige my rant. My old signature was very girlie, and it flowed from my first name to my last seamlessly. Now I can't spell Fritz with the same elegance that I spelled Black. I am going to have to find a new way to spell my name altogether. Because right now it looks as though one person spelled my first name and then a crazed maniac who can't do a cursive Z spelled my last name. Fortunately, right now I have all of the thank you cards from the wedding I have to send out. So I have many hours ahead of me that will allow me to practice this curse of a last name.

Maybe in five years or so I will have it figured out.